“Nudges–when I learned to listen to them, they never steered me wrong.”
Once you know what you want and you’ve identified the obstacles, what boundaries do you need in order to move forward?
Do you need to set a boundary with a particular person who often takes more time than you want to give? What about a boundary for your entire family so that you have the personal time to know your own mind. Want a boundary with that co-worker who keeps taking things from your desk?
Below are excerpts, taken from two of my books, of boundaries that can enhance your personal power. Excerpt 1 is part of an exercise for setting boundaries with someone who assumes you think the way he does. Excerpt 2 is about looking at your response to requests. The chapter it is from helps you set boundaries so that you aren’t giving others too much of your time and energy.
Excerpt 1. Boundaries, Where You End and I Begin, from an exercise in making your own voice heard:
This is hard for me to say. I see it differently than you do.”
“I value your opinion. Mine’s different in this case.”
Excerpt 2. From Where to Draw the Line,
We are not required to do whatever someone wants of us. Always remember that you carry the ultimate responsibility for directing your life. When someone asks something of you, you are the authority on whether or not it will be good for you to say yes.”
Given the wants and obstacles you’ve identified, what boundaries will help you move toward your desire?
- In the comment section below, name the boundary you want to build.
After spending 3 weeks re-organizing my office, donating unused items, eliminating clutter, and creating a new filing system, my friend walked into my beautiful, orderly office and made a comment about how I hadn’t let go of certain books. I replied with a combination of defense and information, saying, “I keep the books that defend positions I take in the books I’ve written.” She backed down immediately and then complimented my office, but I see a boundary is needed. I will tell her, next time I see her, that when I’m proud of something I’ve done, please start with a positive, rather than a negative, comment.
That is a good example of how boundaries can be subtly crossed with friends. When this is happened to me I often feel on the defensive. Thank you for sharing this.
I just finished reading the book, Boundaries, Where You End and I Begin. I found it really helpful and I enjoyed reading the information in a straight forward manner. This was particularly useful since the stories shared resonated with my own childhood. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and insight. Kind regards, TR